Just wanted to pour !!!

Life at times gives us more on our plate than we can handle and somehow it feels that almost everything around you is just falling apart and you just watching it...
Past few months have been like a roller coaster ride and thinking back I am unable to figure out how much more worse could it be.....

Professionally things couldn't have been better...but on the personal front its just not happening...
Traveling to the client site in US twice in a span of 3 months would be considered quite a good thing.. I know there are people around me envious of this but then why am I not happy??

Why the pain and guilt of leaving my son and hubby back home so bad?? If I think logically its just another month, 28 days to be precise but why does each and every moment so long to pass???There is so much work that I can barely get time to breathe but then why I feel that void that emptiness....

Does one really forget one own self once you have baby so much that whatever time is spent apart it nearly kill you....Then too time is a great thing it goes on at its own pace....Either you are happy or sad it never stops............

Each mother who leaves her baby behind must feel the same pinch... each smile she misses eats into her.... then why do we do that??? What compels us to do so??

I am just so confused and unable to figure out whats right whats wrong...
My mom takes care of my baby while I am here in US working... She told me today that he has become irritable, maybe thats the way he is saying bring my mom back.. or mom I miss u.........

Why do we want to work? why is our own independence so important???
At times i regret working but then I am unable to find the strength to quit............

Maid trouble again

Since Aarush has come into our lives, we had to take the decision of keeping a full time maid..We had little other choice as I needed someone to help me do the daily chores and also in looking after Aarush as I work full time.Moreover so since my in-laws were also staying with us..

And then came the daunting task of finding one..calling maid agencies, running after them to give you a maid..
I remember the first one I got was really good, but as is said good things never stay for long..She went to her office to visit her brother and never came back!!!
Got 3-4 replacements after that and none stayed more than a month...

I had to take a decision of forgetting my money and find a new one through a separate agency..By that time I had realised, its not important how good she looks, how good she works as long as she is not stealing money and is stable.......

Luckily this one stayed one complete year...and then as always had to go... and in a way I was also relieved as she had started acting a bit too smart for my likes......

Now started the next yearly task of finding a new one...and after about hundreds of phone call, I found one, though the commission was a bit higher side but I was desperate as I had to travel onsite for a month and needed help urgently.......

She was working fine till the time I left....and suddenly today morning hubby dear calls up saying she has run away...

And thereby went all the thumbs up I had given to myself for a well done task.......
Sometimes I wonder till when will this cycle continue......is there an end to it????

No one ones...I think this is life , one challenge after another, one struggle after another....
sometimes to get a job, other time to keep it, looking well after your kids, and most important
the struggle to be sane amidst all insanity...........

Before traveling to USA

Due to some official work and knowledge transfer sessions with our US based client, I was asked to travel to US and be there for like 5 weeks.

I have been to US once before, so wasn't too excited about the prospect of doing so again..But bosses order are bosses order... I was too unsure about leaving my 18 months son behind with his grand parents...Though I knew he would be looked after well and better than what I can care for him...But still !!!!

But after affirmations from hubby dear, and my parents that Aaush would be fine without me left me with no other reason to decline the offer of going....

So began all the preparations of traveling, shopping packing and the most important getting emotionally prepared for leaving Aarush.........

That guilt and strange feeling of leaving him is with me and some times pinches so sharp and deep that the pain is almost unbearable...........

Gulmohar on fire!!

( Pic : from wikipedia)

While driving to work today, I noticed a bright red spot on the green belt...

And it clicked!
"Its spring" with Gulmohar trees in their full bloom and flaunting their bright red flowers!
These trees are a beautiful sight.

My childhood memories flash backed...Gulmohar tree and I have had long association.
One such tree had adorned the entrance of our home.All through my childhood and growing up years that tree had been with us.

It was our school bus stop, chatting point with friends, place for rickshaw pullers, cows and dogs to rest in shade.....
When we used to study pollination in our school biology course, the Gulmohar flowers used to be our demo pieces...

The pollens stems of the flower made the right weapon for having fights! The one whole pollen head went down first used to loose!!
Fun and care free days those used to be.
The flower buds were our cosmetic nails, we loved sticking them on our nails and scaring every one around us!!

The sad part being that tree had to be cut down because it was infected and was slowly dying.I still remember how sad we all were the day it was put to rest.

But we still have a row of other trees in our colony, which is on fire in this season!!!!!

While browing, I found an amazing capture of the flower by
"Chitra Aiyer" on flickr.

Here is another link hosting beautiful shots of this flamboyant tree

by ykarelic4

Madhouse on Road

While driving to the office today, I took me almost twice the time it generally does.
There was no traffic congestion on the way, no long stoppages...

It seemed as if all novice drivers, who are roaming and having a fun time on a high way, slow moving traffic like rickshaw and tractors and some crazy bus drivers, not ready to allow overtake, were present on the road!

The moment I came out of my drive way, there was an old Matiz moving in front of me and that uncleji it seemed didn't believe in driving at a normal speed or neither allowing the rest of the people to do so....There was a cute boy with him, who after every 10 seconds would peek out and wave to me!!

I wonder, why does all the roadway bus drivers feel like its an insult to them if they will allow some smaller car to over take them....I felt like stopping that bus and telling him " Bhaiya please thoda side mein chala lo na" (Please drive your bus on one side and not the middle of the road).

Just to save a few milliliters of petrol , people will go on the wrong side of the road...
The auto rickshaws instead lining up one side, have to occupy 3/4 of the road..so that they can over take each other and race........The drivers of these rickshaws are at times so young.

The funniest part is the traffic police is cool onlooker to all these happening...I don't know either no one pays a heed to them or they don't want to regulate any of this.

When will that day come when the traffic is regulated and one can enjoy the driving, at least on a national highway!!!

When one door, closes another opens

We all were very disappointed when my sis did not clear ISB.

Though, along with ISB, she had also cleared the written for IIFT (Indian Institute of Foreign Trade).
The same week after the ISB result was out, the GD and interview for IIFT was scheduled. She had to be literally pushed to go for it.

And last week IIFT result came out and to everyones surprise "SHE MADE IT". Her hard work finally paid.

Someone has rightly said "When one door closes, another opens".

I am ecstatic!! She is on the top of the world.........

What better luck could anyone ask for, out of the two exams she appeared, she managed to clear the written for both, and finally made it to one...

These days everything around seems so full of life and vibrancy...........
Thanks God!!!

Me, My books and My Library

At one point of time before my marriage and before my son was born,I was an avid reader, Thanks to my mom who got me hooked to the books.

I started early with comics, then Enid Blyton( Famous Five series, Secret Seven, Malory Towers....), Nancy Drew. I loved Agatha Cristie and had finished reading almost all of the books when I completed school!!!
As I grew, the books I had read also grew!!! Jeffery Archer, Sidney Sheldon, Robert Ludlum, Aryn Rand, Robin Cook used to be some of my favorite authors.

For light reading I had a Mills and Boon in my hand. Amidst the traffic of Delhi, hot summer traveling in the bus, Mills and Boon were a great company. The TDH(Tall, Dark, Handsome heroes made you forget the misery of traveling.....

I always wanted to have a Library in my home. A complete wall to myself where I could display my books, the ones which I have collected over the years!
Well such dreams take time to fulfill!

A couple of days back, I had an urge to look for book reading events or groups in Noida or Delhi.
Though these days, I have slowed down but I love to keep a book or two on my side.

While searching for such group I came across the site http://www.shelfari.com.
On browsing it, I could see the online version of the book shelf I had always dreamt of.

This site allows its users to add books to your shelf, categorize them, tag them, give your reviews and opinions about a book, catalogue them.Basically manage your library the way you want.

I simply loved the site.It has a huge database and its possible to search almost any book and add it to your personal shelf.
I have managed to add about 45 books to my shelf which I have read till now and the list is still growing.

The best part I could add that shelf to my blog and show off.

So my dream of having a complete shelf had been fulfilled though in an different form...

Now I have a personal library(thanks to shelfari) to which I can add books, and also showoff...
A small difference being that the library is online and not on the wall!!!

Why is life so unfair?

Today, the day started normally, the same morning chores and delays..
Who would have known what lay in store!

The moment I reached office, I was called by my manager for a discussion which I would say did not end on a very good note.
Then came the worst news of the year..My sis didnt get selected through the ISB. She had worked so hard for it. Her amazing GMAT score, 6 on 6 for the essay and an interview call from ISB..everything was going so well...
The reason given for not selecting her was "Bad Interview"..
Come to think of it, in the interview panel there are normally two people and that day there was just one person present. The other one had gone out for some visa work in the Embassy...
It seems to me now that it was ill fated....

I know every one who goes through this think why me... but I am thinking why her??
I have seen her slogging day and night for this...reading till early hours of morning even after a tedious day in office...

God, I don't know your reason for not making this happen but I sincerely wish you have something better in store for her!!

Valentines Day vs Valentines week

As the v-day approaches all major stores are having big discounts, newspaper is full of advertisements for parties to be held at hotels, pubs and discs..
The other day on second or third page of TOI there was a full page archies ad informing about the valentines week..with each day being given a different name.. like rose day, teddy day, hugs day, kiss day........
It seemed so funny! These companies are marketing and playing with feelings..
They set such high expectations...Imagine giving or receiving gifts or cards everyday according to the day prescribed...
I am not if I am able to cleary state my point of view here..
But do we really need such over hype on things like this???i agree v-day does have a significance..but a v-week.............
Surely that sounded a new, higly over rated concept to me!!

Remembering!

Since a long time I have known that I love to collect recipes. I got this trait from my mum. Both my sister and I are hooked for life on this habit.
Earlier our source was magazines. My mother's collection in addition to Tarla dalal's recipe books has small paper chits with recipe scribbled on it, diary with the good recipes noted down from the cookery shows.
We being a family of strict vegetarians, the ones who don't use onions and garlic, have to make lot of modifications.
My mother can cook best of dishes without garlic or onion in it. I remember in school days all my friends used to be amazed. They were die hard fans of my mum's cooking.
Some of the really liked food items were sabudana vadas, chole, poha, jave....

I am thinking of putting all her collection online..
The best par "All will be the non-onion , non garlic ones"